The Disease Called Parenting: How your friend circle changes once you're diagnosed with children.

It happened, a positive pregnancy test. You and your partner are so excited. Several weeks pass and you finally announce the news. Over 200 likes! Wow! Everyone is so happy for you!

 

 Nine months pass and now you have a baby in your lap, after the initial adjustment parenting suits you. Your friends stop by and take adorable pictures holding your bundle. You sneak out once in a while for a drink or they help you hold your diaper bag at a local restaurant. Everything is going good.

 

Your baby begins to make noise, yell, blab, and  babble. Now your baby can do tummy time effectively and is finally starting solids. You have a couple friends that stop by every week or so but most of the time it's you & baby and your partner. You love being with your child and don't miss going out and drinking but you wonder what happened to all of your friends.

 

What happened? Where are your 200 friends? What gives?

 

Welcome to the Disease Called Parenting. 

 

You've been diagnosed with children and it's going to hurt for a few months to a year but once some time has passed you'll learn that the friends that are worth your friendship won't stop being friends because you've evolved into a parent.

 

If you're a younger parent like myself (20's) you may be struggling socially a lot more than parents in their 30's. Many of our friends, work colleagues, and possibly classmates don't have children yet, and aren't thinking about it right now. This won't be the case forever, but having a child will test your existing friendships.  There are many type of friends that will handle your diagnosis differently, see below.



The party friend: This friend will seem okay with you becoming a parent but will be displeased when you're unwilling to go out frequently to the bar. They will try anything to get you to go out. Let him watch the baby, you need to have some time for yourself! Time for myself? I get plenty of time for myself, when every one around me is sleeping so I can do things like clean up my kitchen, plan my course work, and blog (right now).


The hippy friend: This friend is more spiritual and laid back, they may have their own vices and still go out but they are the last person to push you to do anything. This friend is willing to make plans, relax, but definitely goes with the current and doesn't force things upon you. If you want to go out, we can go out, if not we can hang here and watch some Netflix.


The career friend: This friend is so busy with work they can rarely find time to do anything for leisure. Even their leisure time is spent networking for their side career. They can stop by every month or so but always have their plates full. I have been working for the past two weeks straight. 
  

The perfect communicator: This friend works, has side projects, but still makes time to hangout on a weekly basis. This friend may be the same sign as you or be a friend that is a better more tidy version of yourself. I have to take photographs of this dog show tonight, but we can still definitely meet up for some Ramen.


 The scared of babies friend: This friend may initially act like they are happy for you but will sometime ghost you either during pregnancy or once baby is born. Oh congrats! That's so amazing! *never responds to text messages or emails again*

So becoming a parent means your friend circle might change, and grow smaller but that's okay. This gives you more room to make friends with people that have kids! Because, let's face it: you love your kid more than anything in the whole wide world. So, why not find some friends that have kids for your kid to play with? Sure, you can fight the kid date thing forever (ugh, I don't want to have coffee with so & so's mom are you serious??), you don't have to be friends with every parent, but if you open up your circle you may find some allies.

Parents, what kind of friends do you have? Also which ones did I miss? Feel free to comment below!

 

 

Breastfeeding: My Experience

When a pregnant woman often declares her want to breastfeed she may commonly hear the remarks below if not similar ones:

1. It's really hard,  I couldn't do it!
2. Good luck! You'll never be able to do anything by yourself!
3. Don't you think bottle feeding is easier? It's so much easier.
4. I couldn't make enough, but good luck trying.
And so on...

First off, I would like to state that breastfeeding can be different for anyone, but I think my experience with breastfeeding shows that you CAN get over little frustrating humps, and you CAN breastfeed successfully. 

My birth experience was not a good one. I was induced and after putting my body through 16 hours of induction the doctor decided Ella had to come out. I was dehydrated, exhausted, terrified, and angry. I felt the doctors make an incision, I felt immense pain when she was pulled out, and I threw up on the table, and also went unconscious. I did not get to meet my daughter when she was pulled out. I did not get skin to skin, and I did not get to hold her for 1-2 days. My daughter was not fed/put to breast for two days. She was in the NICU the whole hospital stay and our time was very limited together due to both of our needs for rest.

 

Now,  I have heard people argue that when having an experience almost similar or equivalent to mine they could not breastfeed. I've had people argue that their bond with their child was altered tremendously and it took time to repair their bond. Even in the documentary the Business of Being Born, one of the directors/producers declares her frustration with attempting to breastfeed and how it changed her perceived notion of the bond she would have with her son.

 

Sooo....did I breastfeed....do I still breastfeed....what happened....

I still breastfeed Ella who is now four and a half months old:

 

 

How did I do it? Below I am going to share some tips/suggestions that kept me trying/succeeding and forming and maintaining this great bond with my daughter. Today, do I argue that my bond with Ella was bruised or wounded by our birthing experience? No! Do I think it could have been if I didn't do the work I did to make our breastfeeding relationship work? I do. 

What did I do in the beginning to make it work? When I was in the hospital with Ella I made sure to be up there every 3 hours to feed her, I made sure to pump afterwords for 15-20 minutes. I made sure to eat healthily and even eat snacks after feeding and pumping and I made sure to rest in between feedings. I made sure to hold her as often as I could while she was in the NICU. I was patient, hardworking, calm, in physical pain, and EXHAUSTED. But I did it! You can do it. I was in a lot of pain, but I did the work to make sure Ella and I could have the great bond we have today. Nurses applauded my efforts, they were in shock a younger mother like me did what I did to ensure a good breastfeeding relationship. Anyone can do it. You can do it. I made myself walk again within the first day of a c-section, I did everything the doctors told me to and more to ensure that Ella and I would make it breastfeeding and we did. You just have to work girl, but you can do it! Below are some tips to help you continue on!

Brit's Breastfeeding Tips:

 

1. Be Patient! It takes time to get this to work, I thought in the first 3-5 weeks I would never make it past 3 months! I did! IT GETS BETTER. Your nipples will get tougher, you will become more comfortable and HE/SHE will figure out how to do this (unless the baby is tongue-tied where they physically can't latch). If you have a healthy baby without any mouth impairments I assure you they do learn to get better at it. Ella used to have a crummy latch but now she's a pro!

 

2. Drink tons of water BUT make sure to not flush out all of your nutrients! You need to stay hydrated, but you need to balance your water intake with nutritional food and a daily vitamin. If you do not balance this you risk feeling exhausted and worn out.

 

3. If you have issues with supply after staying hydrated: try some oatmeal, try making the lactation cookies, just give your body a head start! Sometimes it takes a little KICK to get the milk flowing, that's totally okay!

 

4. If you get clogged up, TAKE A HOT SHOWER. Be patient. Be patient. Be patient. I can't say that enough. Also, if your breasts do not feel better within 1-3 days PLEASE GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR. It's better to get antibiotics to clear this up then to risk baby not getting enough and to risk your health!

 

5. You can pump at night and after feedings to help, but you DO NOT have to UNLESS you need the supply (if you are going back to work). I used to pump all the time, but I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I was overproducing milk and stressing out my boobs. I would wake up way too full and uncomfortable every morning because I pumped at night. If you plan on bottle-feeding you CAN pump but you MAY HAVE TO pump even more than you expect because you're going to be fuller more often and more uncomfortable more often. Your boobs DO NOT need to feel engorged to be full. Your body will learn your schedule and will make milk accordingly as long as you follow my rules. 

 

6. Once you get things going, try to enjoy it! It gets better! It gets easier! Breastfeeding was far easier traveling versus bottle feeding! Also IT IS OKAY TO SUPPLEMENT WITH FORMULA IF YOU CHOOSE. You do not have to stop breastfeeding because you gave in and gave the baby some formula. This is your way, you make the rules too! You will not ruin your bond by supplementing, as long as you continue to nurse physically you can still supplement here and there! 

 

7. Make your own rules! Supplement, EBF for however long you want, don't supplement. Mix formula into baby food, mix breastmilk into baby food. These are your choices. As long as your pediatrician approves you can do whatever arrangement works for you!

 

I am not a doctor or a pediatrician, these are only the methods/tips I use from reading, experience, and discussing certain goals with our pediatrician. 

ALSO: PICK UP THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING FOR MORE TIPS!

It's a great read, and definitely worth your time! 

 

What do you think of my tips? Did you try any of these? How did they work for you! Feel free to comment below: