The Disease Called Parenting: How your friend circle changes once you're diagnosed with children.

It happened, a positive pregnancy test. You and your partner are so excited. Several weeks pass and you finally announce the news. Over 200 likes! Wow! Everyone is so happy for you!

 

 Nine months pass and now you have a baby in your lap, after the initial adjustment parenting suits you. Your friends stop by and take adorable pictures holding your bundle. You sneak out once in a while for a drink or they help you hold your diaper bag at a local restaurant. Everything is going good.

 

Your baby begins to make noise, yell, blab, and  babble. Now your baby can do tummy time effectively and is finally starting solids. You have a couple friends that stop by every week or so but most of the time it's you & baby and your partner. You love being with your child and don't miss going out and drinking but you wonder what happened to all of your friends.

 

What happened? Where are your 200 friends? What gives?

 

Welcome to the Disease Called Parenting. 

 

You've been diagnosed with children and it's going to hurt for a few months to a year but once some time has passed you'll learn that the friends that are worth your friendship won't stop being friends because you've evolved into a parent.

 

If you're a younger parent like myself (20's) you may be struggling socially a lot more than parents in their 30's. Many of our friends, work colleagues, and possibly classmates don't have children yet, and aren't thinking about it right now. This won't be the case forever, but having a child will test your existing friendships.  There are many type of friends that will handle your diagnosis differently, see below.



The party friend: This friend will seem okay with you becoming a parent but will be displeased when you're unwilling to go out frequently to the bar. They will try anything to get you to go out. Let him watch the baby, you need to have some time for yourself! Time for myself? I get plenty of time for myself, when every one around me is sleeping so I can do things like clean up my kitchen, plan my course work, and blog (right now).


The hippy friend: This friend is more spiritual and laid back, they may have their own vices and still go out but they are the last person to push you to do anything. This friend is willing to make plans, relax, but definitely goes with the current and doesn't force things upon you. If you want to go out, we can go out, if not we can hang here and watch some Netflix.


The career friend: This friend is so busy with work they can rarely find time to do anything for leisure. Even their leisure time is spent networking for their side career. They can stop by every month or so but always have their plates full. I have been working for the past two weeks straight. 
  

The perfect communicator: This friend works, has side projects, but still makes time to hangout on a weekly basis. This friend may be the same sign as you or be a friend that is a better more tidy version of yourself. I have to take photographs of this dog show tonight, but we can still definitely meet up for some Ramen.


 The scared of babies friend: This friend may initially act like they are happy for you but will sometime ghost you either during pregnancy or once baby is born. Oh congrats! That's so amazing! *never responds to text messages or emails again*

So becoming a parent means your friend circle might change, and grow smaller but that's okay. This gives you more room to make friends with people that have kids! Because, let's face it: you love your kid more than anything in the whole wide world. So, why not find some friends that have kids for your kid to play with? Sure, you can fight the kid date thing forever (ugh, I don't want to have coffee with so & so's mom are you serious??), you don't have to be friends with every parent, but if you open up your circle you may find some allies.

Parents, what kind of friends do you have? Also which ones did I miss? Feel free to comment below!

 

 

"The Man Who Gave Birth", an article written in Time Magazine.

So I was reading Time's September 19th 2016 edition and I discovered an article about a man giving birth....

Evan, the person that gave birth, is a transgender male (this means he was born a woman and took hormone medication to become more masculine and as close to a man as possible). I truly thought it was a beautifully written article that discusses gender versus sex and how many people in the LGTBQ+ community have recently expressed wanting to have children in whichever arrangement is the most convenient. Evan (above) is with a partner that identifies as female and was born female but has personally always wished to experience pregnancy and childbirth. Although he had started hormone therapy he stopped once he discovered he was pregnant, something his partner and himself decided to do. Evan chestfeeds their child and has plans to continue hormone therapy once their child is no longer breastfeeding. When Evan transitioned he purposely chose to not have top surgery because his allergy towards most antibiotics, and because he planned to possibly chestfeed during the future. 

The article was written by his sister, and was a great inside look at the possible differences a transgender person may have when deciding to carry a child. For example, Evan would just wear larger shirts and suspenders to the office when adjusting to the size of his stomach. He also was rarely asked if he was expecting and enjoyed the one moment when a sales associate put him purchasing clothes, the ultrasound in his wallet, and his large stomach together. Evan's partner was also responsible for carrying all of the luggage to the birthing center versus the normal arrangement where the male carries the luggage and the female is waddling to the delivery room. Evan was the "waddler" this time. Evan's sister also felt that Evan's childbirth experience did not alter his gender identity whatsoever, it only reinforced it, comparing it to the same experience as the Sea Horse, a totem that Evan and his partner have all over their home.

I think this article is a great read because it opens our eyes to how much the world has changed. Evan had a very positive pregnancy and was received well by his coworkers and family members. If I ever ran into Evan and his partner I wouldn't see anything out of the ordinary, just a regular couple raising a child. However, many same sex families (those who do not transition nor wish to) still sometimes struggle to be apart of the parenting community. 

It is important to accept all parents, whether same sex, transgender, or any arrangement there may be. Sexual orientation and gender orientation have no effect on a person's ability to be a great parent. Slowly our world is becoming more accepting an example of television adapting is the TV show Modern Family. I would love to see a TV show within a few years that includes more different types of families. I hope the parenting community continues to be more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community.

Source of Article: The Man Who Gave Birth

What do you think? Comment Below!